Beware… rant coming up!
I can’t work a steady job to pay for the medications that allow me to work a steady job. The system is designed to make you lose. I don’t like being disabled. It makes me feel like I’m getting a free ride out of life which was never my intention. I can’t pay for all of the doctors I have to see and also pay for all my medications. I’m in crisis now due to some pretty intense mood swings. My therapist suggested that I see him twice a week, and I plainly can’t afford it. I’m very fortunate and super thankful that I have loving understanding parents that let me live in their house and eat their food, because if not I would be on the street. I’m just sick and tired of all of this. I remember the days that I had hopes and dreams. Now, I just live day to day hoping I can fill that next prescription or refill. Little violin right?
I write this to vent, but I also write it to show that it is not easy to be disabled. I want to work so bad to free myself, yet I can’t. I have friends who are disabled who have it ten times worse than me. Some government programs don’t allow you to save money, so you are forced to live check to check. No bank is going to give you credit under those conditions. So what happens when your air conditioning breaks in the heat of a South Floridian summer, and you can’t afford to fix it for the indefinite future. I know that might sound a little ridiculous, but down here an AC is what separates a healthy person and someone with a heat stroke.
I don’t want more money or benefits. I just want the opportunity to become stable enough so that I can pull my own weight, and right now how these government programs are designed it is impossible. My mother fought to give Latinos a pathway to citizenship. I wish someone would give the mentally ill a pathway to true betterment, so that we can give back to society.
I want to end this with that my heart goes out to all of those individuals who are disabled in any way, not just mentally ill, and I hope you and your families find peace. You are not alone. Also you don’t have to be disabled to have issues with pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies, but I’ll leave that one for another time.